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Our first joint trip to the USA was to NYC; our second was a holiday in Central Florida, which we shared with friends from Jamaica. We did the Disney thing (twice was enough), fulfilled a childhood ambition to visit the Space Center at Cape Canaveral, damaged our hearing on an airboat, went kayaking with American alligators, and got some experience driving in the US.

What we got up to in pictures

We rented an apartment in Bella Piazza, located in Davenport, Polk County, Florida. The location made an ideal base for exploring the attractions of Central Florida, with a nearby supermarket and adjacent eateries.

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Bella Piazza's communal pool

Disney's Epcot theme park occupied us for a full day. Lots of animatronics. Each ride or pavillion supplements a sales opportunity (shouldn't that be the other way around?). It's one of those things you (almost) have to do, and probably works best if you have/ borrow children.

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The monorail at Epcot

The Kennedy Space Centre at Cape Canaveral was a highlight. The shuttle Atlantis was already on the pad, ready for mission STS-125. Being able to walk beneath the Saturn V rocket (used in the Apollo moon landings) was awesome. We went back to KSC on our last day (tickets are valid for re-entry within 7 days) and watched a 3D IMAX movie about the International Space Station; 45 minutes of the most riveting footage I've ever seen.

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Atlantis on the pad at Kennedy

Since the Everglades were too far away we took a 30 minute airboat ride on the St Johns River, booked at the Lone Cabbage Fish Camp (hat tip to Icerabbit for the suggestion). In addition to loads of gators we were lucky enough to see a bald eagle resting on a nearby pylon.

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Volunteers for shore party please

Disney's Hollywood Studios was the second theme park we visited. The Star Tours (Star Wars themed) ride was pretty good but it was fairly mundane overall; we had intended to visit Universal Studios but bought the wrong tickets.

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Imperial walker on crowd control duty

Kayaking along the Wekiva River was arranged through Central Florida Nature Adventures. We phoned them using Skype on my iPhone at a free WiFi hotspot to avoid roaming charges; it worked a treat. The 3.5 hour paddle on the river was excellent value, scenic although a bit congested (it was a spring break weekend after all). I was warned to back-paddle only once when a biggish gator came a bit too close, and kept all limbs inside my little vessel at all times just to be safe! The turtles didn't seem to like my yellow kayak; Simone got much closer to them in her blue one. Kenny was a knowledgeable guide and appreciative of our desire for photographic opportunities. Highly recommended—if we ever get back we'll do their Silver River trip.

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Kayaking on the Wekiva River

The JN "Ding" Darling National Wildlife Refuge on Sanibel Island was about about 3.5 hours southwest by car. The 4km wildlife drive cost $5 and we saw a handful of birds feeding in the mud flats, a few more birds in trees, and... nothing else (we had seen some impressive mangrove swamps north of Cairns, Australia, which may have spoiled us). Bowman's Beach was popular with sunbathers and picnicers. Bailey Track gave us a view of some lovely homes, turtles, alligators, birds, and a black snake. On the Commodore Creek Trail in our hired kayak at Tarpon Bay we saw a few small fish jumping and some birds; the folk before us apparently saw dolphin, shark, and manatee (we saw the related dugong in Oz). The popular island is connected to the mainland by a causeway.

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Sanibel Causeway

Miscellaneous observations and tips

• Visitors to the US are guilty until proven innocent, so expect to be photographed and finger printed as a potential criminal/ terrorist—but with a smile.
• Avoid getting constipated as toilet outflow pipes are half the diameter of those in Europe.
• Always do what the man with the gun says (whether he has a badge or not).
• Don't eat hickory-smoked beef jerk before your morning coffee.
• When renting a car be mindful that a "sub-compact" equates to a standard-size 4 door saloon in Europe.
• Be sure to review the guest information booklet which details which local wildlife will kill/ eat you, when to boil the tap water, and how to survive a hurricane. It's a jungle out there.
• Speaking of jungles, mid April turns out to be a good time to avoid biting insects. They lace the environment with pesticide every few months anyway, something to bear in mind if your genes exhibit a mutagenic tendency.
• It's OK to advertise gated communities as a positive development, or to use your products to advocate a particular religious affiliation (e.g. "A Christian-owned company").
• Order half-size portions in restaurants and you still may not fit in a desert.
• A line in Starbucks in the US moves at maybe twice the speed of a line in Starbucks UK.
• Visit a Disney theme park to bear witness to exemplar commercialism—and morbid obesity.
• Once you've been robbed of $12 to park the car, most of your exorbitant Disney ticket price (e.g. $150 pp 2-day pass) will be spent standing in various queues (a Fast Pass does help, where available) and excludes the high cost of poor quality food; the experience may challenge your ideas on value-for-money.
• Don't get taken in by the hype (the Shuttle Launch Experience at Kennedy Space Center being a case-in-point).
• Expect to prepay for gas since you obviously look suspect, although as a tourist you can't do this at the pump. If you pay cash the procedure is queue inside to get pump credit (e.g. $US20 for a full tank, half of the cost of gas in the UK), fill the tank, then go back inside to claim any refund for unused pump credit. If you pay by card they debit what you use.
• American cars are needlessly big. Big and ugly without exception (most make an old Volvo look curvaceous).
• The freeways are a good opportunity to try out cruise control (good luck doing that on the UK's M1). Set it to the speed limit and enjoy the sight of every other car on the road whizzing by (OK, so that part is like the UK).
• Americans like to hog the middle lane, don't give undertaking a second thought, and enjoy reckless weaving between lanes without indicating.
• Toll booths don't collect for an entire road as elsewhere; expect to stop multiple times on the same road to pay for each section of road you use.
• Staff at Best Buy are just as ignorant as staff at any UK Curry's/ PC World/ Dixons.
• Donorcycle riders don't bother with helmets or protective clothing, it just doesn't look cool.
• Walmart sell guns to tempt the impulse buyer alongside general groceries, such as obesogenic XXL filled rolls.
• We saw a State Trooper with a pink flashing light. Fashion police?
• Don't leave home without your GPS. We downloaded TomTom maps for one-off use, but they were worth the cost.
• We've never been subject to such a concentrated dose of artificial smiles and pleasantries. Have a nice day.

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