For the past 13 years Bruce and I have been living in the UK, spending Christmas with my family in Germany. Ever since we first met I kept hearing about family BBQs on the beach for Christmas—something that is difficult to imagine when Christmas to me means dark cold nights lit by candles and the Christmas story. This year we decided to go and live in New Zealand for some time, trying out life on the other side of the world for me, and looking whether the grass really is greener here for Mr Kiwi (and not just at Christmas).

The run up to Christmas

The run up to Christmas could not have been more different: light evenings invited strolls along the waterfront with an ice-cream in hand or a pizza in the park.

Salad, not Stollen, was on the menu. In Europe, we do lots of warming rich foods in wintertime. Hot, spicy tea & mulled wine warm the Sunday afternoons in Advent, spent with friends and family over games or conversation in a warm house. Here you want light chilled summer wines, BBQs or picnics in the countryside (at least that's the idea; the summer so far has been condensed to about 4 days, 2 days here in Wellington when I was working and—luckily—Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with the family in Northland).

No decorations: In Europe you can't escape Christmas, despite the actions of the oh-so politically correct hypocrites who want to ban all outward signs of Christianity in the obtuse belief that this respects other religions (while actually only showing their dis-respecting Christianity!). Decorations go up in mid-November and wherever you are, familiar tunes can be heard. I actually like seeing the lights and shop-window displays, the Christmas trees in public places and the bows and baubles that accompany them. Here in Wellington there was one tree in front of one of the highrisers on Lambton Quay. I certainly missed my "real Christmas tree" with beeswax candles and pine scent. I do love pohutukawa trees very much, though. They are definitely Christmas trees, decoration courtesy of Mother Nature in the shape of the bright red pompom-like flowers. While I don't miss the lit-up sleighs, reindeer & super-sized Santas, I would have liked to see some lights. On the other hand, the lights really only work in a place where you can see them. What is the point of lights when it's light until 9pm anyway? Who is going to see them (and my green heart shudders considering the electricity wasted)? Only one of the large shops and department stores had decorated the windows with stories about Father Christmas, in a similar style to what I remember from the big department stores in the Frankfurt of my childhood.

I had the impression that everything was (at least slightly) less commercialised. We did not see billboards reminding you to book your Christmas party now on our arrival in October. In the UK those adverts started appearing in August, before we left. We did have work "dos" for Christmas, but at least two were organised the week before—not months in advance—and there did not seem to be any problem in getting in at the group's preferred restaurant. There was not a dry turkey in sight either!!! In the supermarket seasonal foods appeared, mainly in the form of chocolates and treats. However, this did not require the entire store to be rearranged to accommodate the seasonal display as happens in the UK. Maybe I did not spend as much time out and about looking at things, though, as I was working full time.

One thing I was very relieved about was the lack of Christmas cards. In the UK whole forests must be converted into cards, bumper packs at £5 for 20 or even 100 less than tastefully decorated cardboard squares (alternatively 1 nice one for the same price, not counting postage). The problem is that in the UK everyone seems to give one to everyone else, so the big supermarkets now have card collection points after Christmas so you can ecologically dispose of them. Would it not be better to stop the nonsense, especially as the contents of the card is usually just the names of the sender (and if you know more than one Julie or Tim you may not even know with certainty who they were from). I much prefer saying "Merry Christmas" to my work-colleagues and friends and would rather have some form of contact throughout the year than a piece of cardboard at Christmas time: real communication, not pre-printed "Best Wishes". Can we cut back or do we deprive the card manufacturers of their income?

Another sure sign that we are not in Kansas anymore is the notable absence of mince pies. In the UK they are clogging up the shelves and stomachs from October onwards, together with their close relation: the Christmas pudding. I am sure that a better use for raisins could be found. I was, however, glad to see that NZ is open to baked treats from around the world in the shape of German-type Stollen and Italian Panettone & Panforte (yes, raisins in there too). You had to know where to look, though, they don't flog them at Aldi—probably due to the fact that Aldi hasn't made it here yet.

Christmas on the beach

I did get my BBQ on beach as promised! Leaving Windy Wellington behind we headed for the current family headquarters in Northland. So did the sun. On Christmas Eve it was a bit shy, but put in a good show on Christmas Day, resulting in some sunburn (no, not me, the clueless European who lathered herself in factor 50+, the sun-savvy Kiwis forgot to cover up a few tender bits on the back of various body parts: I can hear some moaning while I write).

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Christmas on the beach

We had a good time with three generations of the family, who had never spent that much time together in the same place: Bruce's parents, two brothers and their wives, and two children aged 6 and 4—playing on the beach, jumping on the new trampoline, playing hide and seek in the garden, trying to win at cards, and walking through bush. All interspersed with eating lots of nice food. There was no timetable, everything happened in its own time, up to and including the unwrapping of a million presents by the kids in next to no time at 6 am on Christmas Day. This was only possible because we were all in the same place anyway, much more difficult to do in Europe, where we would not have the space to do this and where I would feel that I would need to go and see the greatest number of friends in the short time that I usually get off over Christmas. Here, there were no appointments to coordinate, no-one who might feel left out or sad if we did not get to meet. On the other hand I like meeting my friends; it just seems so much of a rush when you are trying to fit say eight parties into 4 days and all of them also have commitments to other friends.... No easy solution, I guess.

Was there a Christmas spirit?

No, not in the traditional sense, perhaps. There was no religious component here. But very much in the sense that it is a family time together: where all share in having a good time; where family members who don't see each other much can catch up on each other's lives, or just hang out, secure in the feeling that they are with people who deeply care; where dressing up is counterproductive (try and hide in a flax bush in your glad rags); where the sun shines and a festival of light still does not quite fit in.

I did miss the religious/ spiritual aspect, but I missed that even in Advent, when I went to church and it didn't feel like Advent. There were none of the songs that I associate with Christmas and I have lived and sung in the UK for long enough to have adopted English songs as "mine". Music has always played a significant role in my experience of Christmas: singing in a choir for many years, both in Germany and the UK, singing at church and also singing at home, together with my brother, mother and (when they were still alive) my grandparents. Oma was great at singing a counterpoint to the traditional Christmas songs. And what is Christmas, when you take Christ out of it? In the words of one of the church banners I read driving past it is like "dinner without food".

Am I comparing this experience with my childhood memories? Yes, I think I do, as this is the time when one is moulded by experiences like those I had as a child. For my husband it is the same, the other way around. What I have been able to experience this year is in a way his childhood memory of a New Zealand Christmas in his family.

Let us remember that it was probably quite warm and light in Palestine all those 2000 years ago, but somehow I guess I am conditioned to associate Christmas with light coming at a time of darkness. Maybe the darkness now is less physical and more spiritual. I am certainly going to be very conscious of this experience, and will try and take some of my "summer Christmas" experiences into the Christmases to come....

Postscript

Writing this as I did on the 27th of December it is now hard to ignore the headlines in the NZ and UK media alike: Boxing Day saw the malls & high street shops full of bargain-hunters, brining home the stark reality of a post-Christian festival of commerce.

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