Anyway, it's was pretty much a childhood of people cleaning for me or implying that I wasn't good at it. Maybe they did it as a reason to prove how well they took care of me. Because, honestly, I think teaching me the proper way to do things rather than just doing it or laughing about it might have been the best response. What it did was usher me in to adulthood with horrible housekeeping skills. I can clean but I always feel like more needs to be done. I'm not good at habitually keeping up with house cleaning, so things pile up and I'm back to where I started. Now let something upset me and all bets are off. The problem is, I've been upset for a few years now.

Other things have happened in my life like death and loss which has lead to depression. Couple that with not too great housekeeping skills and you get squalor. It's definitely something you live with...if you have to. As time goes on, it does get embarrassing. Of course, I have a job, friends, an active social life but I keep those separate from my home. A few years ago, I just had a cluttered apartment, so I could have company and just laugh off my cluttered place because there was no filth. It was just stacks of books or whatever. However, now I've definitely got squalor.

In my effort to figure out how to regain control, I found a website that is somewhat helpful: Squalor Survivors. It's helpful in the sense that I know I'm not alone, at least. Now those cleaning skills I never learned, I realize just to pop up out of nowhere. I've got a lot I need to learn and some new habits I need to form. Also, the bottom line is, I need to get myself back to manageable clutter, so I can hire maid. ;)

So I know there are varying degrees of squalor. I think people saying "it's a choice" are making it way too simple. Some things in life are easy, like feeling the urge to go to the bathroom and then going. But even a child needs to be potty trained. Maybe in some cases, at least with me, I feel that no one really took the time to teach me basic housekeeping skills. As an adult, now I need to teach myself.

1) filth with clutter: I know someone; they were about to bring a newborn home from the hospital. We stopped by the house and were apalled. One sink basin was full of dirty dishes, the other full of a nasty opaque liquid beyond description. the fridge was full of junk- non edible food, old milk, old condiments. stuff was piled everywhere. a sofa given by relatives a year ago was filthy with ground in grime. the other child's bedroom was so cluttered he could not sleep on his bed. there was old dried dog feces all over his carpet. another fairly new sofa and a roll of carpet had rotted on the porch without ever being taken into the house. we cleaned the place for the sake of the baby.

2) filth without clutter: another person who may be schizophrenic (has been heard talking to someone on the phone without using a phone) lives in what was a nice one bedroom trailer, bought specifically for him by family. he brought 1 cat, and burns tobacco products in the trailer (we have reason to believe he does not actually smoke, but rather just lets the tobacco burn to remind him of his mother). for the most part, everything is put away in the proper place. books are on shelves, food is put away, etc. However, the TV has a thick felt of tar and dust making the image hard to see. the sink and drainer are coated in brown slime. the bathroom floor has ground in cat litter that crunches under your feet. an inch of dust hanging off the ceiling fan. I cleaned his place, and asked him "cant you see how dirty the floor was?" he said "I did clean it!" I said "no, really, cant you honestly see that the floor is much cleaner than fifteen minutes ago?" and he stammered a bit and said "..nno" and I belive that answer.

3) Clutter without filth: I know another family, professionals. they have a nice house and keep it clean. I think they have a housekeeper and I know they know what clean is. However, over the years I have seen increasing piles of things everywhere. there are stacks of books and professional magazines in the study. craft books and novels in the bedroom and often covering the bed. piles of random possessions in the dining room which has been rendered unusable. They do drink, but I do not know that they are alcoholics. They have academically gifted children.

Analysis: Case 1involves a very lazy couple. I dont think they have any mental illness nor any substance abuse, nor depression. At least one of them was raised in a very clean home. there may be some passive-aggression involved as to who is resposible for what chores around the house, but in the end I think neither adult is bothered by the filth and they just live in it.

Case 2 involves what has to be a very ill man. he was once a very intellegent nearly PhD scholar who was always antisocial- something like a schizoid personality type who may be boarderline psychotic. I believe he really can't see the filth he lives in due to complex psychological issues.

Case 3 baffles me a bit, and may involve alcohol. but, I suspect there may be some kind of passive aggression involved between the two parents. he works hard and is very devoted to his professional life. she is a professionally trained person but never worked in her profession, having chosen to raise the kids.

The only consolation is that she keeps my gandson's room clean and tidy. All his clothes are hung on hangers in the closet or folded neatly in his drawers. She keeps herself and my grandson clean at all times. You wouldn't suspect how she lives if you saw her on the street. She is school teacher!

Anyone familiar with this?

Diogenes syndrome, and hoarding in general, is a little-studied phenomenon. One of the few geriatricians writing about this problem, Dr. Carlos Reyes-Ortiz, reports that in about 60 percent of cases the problem is not related to a mental disorder, but to a particular lifestyle and certain personality traits, such as reclusiveness, suspiciousness, obstinacy and other isolating tendencies.

In 40 percent of the cases, there is some related mental disorder such as schizophrenia, depression, dementia and alcoholism, he says. In many of these situations, the older adult lacks the ability to assess his or her environment, while in other situations there's a long-standing lifestyle choice or an obsessive-compulsive disorder.

I can't begin to tell how many years I have felt obligated to attempt to clean, but be hurt by the filth that follows in such a relative short period of time. After dealing with this progressively worsening problem almost my entire life, I have almost completely given up. I try to sweep and mop sometime, but a week later it looks like I haven't. I can't afford to pay a cleaning service.

If anyone else out there is dealing with a loved one with this problem, please let me know how you cope. It is burdensome and heart-breaking.

The one common denominator seems to be a tendency towards reclusiveness. Most people who exhibit these behaviors seem to have some form of anti-social behavior as well.